He is away – day 14/14

Saturday, August 5Th

Day was pretty slow… On the phone with my friend… and then whole afternoon chilling in the bed, watching cartoons… and in the evening on the phone with my family… and in the middle of our talk, someone is pinging me on YM…. IT’S HIM! My first thought: HE DIDN’T LEFT INDIA!!! HE IS STILL THERE!!! But he told me to calm down, and he is in Seoul airport… ohhhh… such a relief… I guess that everything is so perfect between us, that sometimes I’m scared that something will go wrong, and we will not be able to be together… so I’m imagining things. But that’s me… waiting what will go wrong when everything is perfect, and when something is wrong, then I’m wondering why things can’t be perfect.

Anyway, it was so nice to know that he is thinking about me… 

Now I’m so tired, that I’m not able to look any more… so I’m off to bed… and I hope that he will wake me up with the phone call and with words “hi honey, I’m back!”. That’s putting a huge smile on my face… now I will fall a sleep knowing that he will be here soon… and I will feel him again. 

And I survived 14thday without him… 0 days more to go. HE WILL BE HERE TOMORROW!!!

He is away – day 13/14

Friday, August 4Th

One more work week is done… and one more weekend ahead of me… but he will be here on Sunday. I’m not able to believe that just one more day without him, and he will be here, next to me… holding me in his arms… I will feel his lips again…

When I close my eyes, and think about him – I can really feel him. Some nice feeling goes through my whole body… and it’s so comforting. I really miss that. But just one more day without him, and then everything will be OK again.

And I survived 13th day without him… 1 day more to go.

He is away – day 12/14

Thursday, August 3Rd

We chatted again this evening… that was so nice, and relaxing.

I’m just happy that he is managing to find some time for me. I know that he is enjoying with his family, and I’m feeling kinda guilty, because he is on-line with me, instead of making a good use of every minute with his family after so many years. But I guess that I’m kinda selfish. I want him only for myself. And if you knew him – you would feel the same way about him as I do. He is just so perfect. Everything that woman can expect and want from a man – that’s him. So, can you blame me because I’m so in love with him? Or you can be just jealous, because I got him first?

I’m happy that he is mine, but sad that he is so far away…

And I survived 12th day without him… 2 days more to go.

He is away – day 11/14

Wednesday, August 2Nd

We chatted today… on-line . For the first time since he left (11 days ago); this was the first time we had some “real time” conversation. It felt so good…

Things are happening regarding my interview. I’ve got a call from HR person… she was pretty nice on the phone, and she wants me to start the process for arranging my interview. I’m quite excited about all that, but sad that he is not here with me to share all these things. But he will come soon. Only few more days to go without him.

I’m quite sad that so many nice things are happening in my life right now, and I don’t have anyone with whom I can share this… so I told my sister what’s going on… and she was happy. I didn’t told to my parents… I don’t know why, I guess because I’m scared what will happen if I fail… I know that they see me as a successful person, and I’m scared that that might change if I fail on this interview.

Oh, I miss him so much. He could be so helpful. I wish to tell to my parents, but I’m not sure should I? He could give me a good advice, as usual. And also he could help me with all preparations. But I guess that I’m on my own with this. I hope that I will be able to make it come true. If I manage to pass, and get hired… then no more worries . That’s a nice thought. And he will be so proud of me if I make it. I want to make him proud, I really do.

And I survived 11th day without him… 3 days more to go.

He is away – day 10/14

Tuesday, August 1St

I got a nice email: “…I miss you badly and I will never leave you alone again or go places without you…things are empty and half baked without you sharing them with me…”. I hope that he will be able to make this come true. I hope that we will never be separated again, and that we will be able to be together always. No breaks anymore, please. I don’t think that I can handle one more day without him.

What doesn’t kill us it will make us stronger. I think that I’m strong enough, and I want him back here. I miss him so much, that I don’t know am I able to handle this feelings that are overwhelming me. But holding on for 4 more days…

And I survived 10th day without him… 4 days more to go.

He is away – day 9/14

Monday, July 31St

Job was OK today… got a new responsibility. Now I’m an owner of a part of the project. I’m kinda proud of myself, and I hope that he will be also. 

I still can’t get used to the fact that he is not around. That I’m sleeping alone in the bed… but I guess that’s the way it has to be.

Talked a lot with my family lately. Had a need to share my thoughts with someone, so I told them about me and him. They were pretty excited to hear how nice and considerate he is towards me. That made me happy. I’m sure that he will be happy also when he hears the details of my phone talks. My mom told me that she will invite him to come with me for Christmas to visit my country, and meet my family. I think that he will be pleased with all the progress I made with my family. They accepted him as the man who is very important in my life, and they are approving my choice. That means a lot to me, because they don’t know him, but they believe when I tell them how great he is, and how he makes me happy.

It’s late now… time to go to bed… I have a long week ahead of me.

And I survived 9th day without him… 5 days more to go.

He is away – day 8/14

Sunday, July 30Th

Weekend is over… tomorrow back to work… thanks God. This is the loneliest weekend ever.

I had a friend all afternoon today here, we talked about a lot of things, and studied for interview – so overall, I made good use of this day…

Got a nice email… he told me that now his whole family knows about me, about us… and they are pretty OK with that. That’s making me happy… But he is still not here… and I’m so lonely … One more week. Next Sunday, he should come back, and then everything will be alright. Can’t wait.

And I survived 8th day without him… 6 days more to go.

He is away – day 7/14

Saturday, July 29Th

Weekend is here…

Had a lunch with a friend… had a nice time actually. We went to Malaysian restaurant – a lot of memories, nice ones. It felt good to think about something else, not only how lonely I am. Discussed a lot of things about work… and about my upcoming interview. Got a lot of tips. Nice way to make time go by. I don’t know him that well, but he was kind enough to listen – that felt good.

After lunch back to my apartment… No emails . I guess that weekend is busy time for my honey also. I know that during weekdays, his family is working, and now all of them are home, and they are spending time together… but I’m so lonely…

Not in a mood for studying… so watched cartoons all afternoon and evening, and now off to bed. Sad that he is not here, but happy that one more day went by; one day less without him…

And I survived seventh day without him… 7 days more to go.

He is away – day 6/14

Friday, July 28Th

OK, OK… Friday. Last day of the working week. It went pretty well, considering the circumstances…

The only thing that is not allowing me to be happy is this feeling of loneliness I have. And I have a need to express myself, to share my thoughts, my sadness and my happiness… and there is no one around willing to listen. I mean: there are people who will listen, but they will not be happy because of my success, and they will be happy to hear about my sadness. So I don’t want to talk with those kind of feelings. Someone once told me: “you can see your friends when the bad times come…”. I don’t agree with that. I had some rough times in last few months, and I had bunch of people telling me that “everything will be OK”… but when I succeed in something… when I feel that I’m doing something really good, and I’m getting some kind of reward for my work, there is no one to share my happiness with me… all I can see is envy – and that hurts. Now I would like to remember who told me that I can see my true friends when “bad times” come… and tell him/her that it’s not true… I can see who is my true friend when good times are here – someone who will be happy because of me, and share my happiness.

I miss him so much that is driving me crazy. He is my love, my true friend. The only one who is able to share everything with me without expecting something in return… that is just true love, and nothing else. 

The scary thought is that weekend is coming… two days of not going to work – that means that I will not be able to keep myself busy. I’m scared that I won’t be able to handle it. Every moment without him is hurting me so much. I can feel the pain of loneliness. Scary.

But I will think about the weekend tomorrow… now I need some sleep – I’m exhausted.

And I survived sixth day without him… 8 days more to go.

He is away – day 5/14

Thursday, July 27Th

One more day… just as any other day without him… morning -> sad that he is not here; noon -> sad that he is not here; evening -> sad that he is not here… and night -> I don’t need to blog about the night – the loneliest part of the 24 hour cycle…

But you know what was the most difficult part of today? 5PM. I was waiting for the bus, so that I can go home… and I almost got on the bus 200. 200 is the bus I’m taking to go into his apartment. When I go to my apartment, I take 217. But this afternoon, I guess that I was not thinking that he is not here – or I didn’t wanted to think in that direction. Anyway, I almost got into that bus. I stopped myself on time… and then I remembered (again) that he is not here. That was so difficult for me, I almost started crying like a baby on the bus stop… but I managed to keep a ”stone face” on, and not reveal my feelings… Feelings of being so lonely, that it’s tearing me apart… But the day is over now, one more without him… and I’m ready to go to dream land, where I can be with him…

And I survived fifth day without him… 9 days more to go.